Christmas is dangerous

God I am such a perfectionist at Christmas- it's a bit sad and very scary. I've finished my present buying, wrapped them and put them under the tree, I've re-filmed my child's nativity play and it's faultless, the decorations are all up, I've made tomato chilli chutney for all my family, I've sent EVERYONE I know cards, I've prepped all the food for making canapes at my party on Saturday, I've menu planned for Christmas day, and booked all the pantos and carol services any small child would need to get their deserved amount of festive joy ("enough already" you all cry. See- told you I was mad about this time of year). But now Christmas has bitten back to make me stop being such a sad arse. There I was, pottering and faffing about making everything "just so" on the mantelpeice, ready for Saturday's "crowd" of party goers, when the heaviest and spikiest decoration (apart from our 9ft tree) fell on my face. It really, really hurt and now I have a corker of a black eye. Oh how I cried and then laughed hysterically at myself. So now I've stopped my flapping and am supping some nice red wine to wind me down. And yey- The Street is on tonight!
P.S. If anyone's interested and following my academic career- I did manage to complete my first assignment last week despite all the sleeping and bleeding it was causing me...

Soundtrack: Kate Nash-Dickhead

All I want for Christmas.... is a decent video of my child in her first nativity

Just been to Sadie's first Nativity Play. Poor little love. She was right down there in the role of a "townsperson", sat at the side, her costume was brown winter clothing and daddy arrived late for the show so had to stand right at the back meaning the video we have of her first school play is shite and shows the back of a dad's head (one who arrived on time as he has a seat at the front), topped off with Sadie's woolly hat poking out somewhere in the background. Occasionally you can see her nose. I sat at the side and saw her singing beautifully. Luckily it's on again tomorrow so I've bought another ticket to get a proper recording. She took not being Mary, an angel or a star very well I thought, and despite usually having an aversion to anything but the colour pink, was happy to wear muddy tones. I am very proud of her. At least next year she can't feel disappointed in whatever role they give her. "Townsperson" is about as bad as it gets- even sheep or donkey is better.

Annie revelations and aching lungs

I have only just realised why I wasn't allowed to watch the musical 'Annie' when I was a nipper.... we watched it yesterday with Sadie and it all made sense. On the one hand, my parents are strict Catholics and 'Annie' is in fact a rather saucy production which I'm sure my mother wouldn't approve of. I can't tell you how many female gussets were flashed but there were plenty. On the other hand, we were always allowed to watch 'Carry On' films and Benny Hill, so I think my second theory is correct: they were probably being sensitive, as I am a cheeky ginger lass who's mum adopted me at birth, and Annie is a cheeky ginger lass whose parents abandoned her at birth, ends up living in a stinking orphanage and then later discovers her real parents are dead. Yes- it all makes perfect sense now as to why I was never exposed to this film. Glad I have now watched it as it's a classic- Sadie has been singing 'Tomorrow' ever since. And luckily, I have since found out that my birth mother is alive and well. In fact we're going to visit her this Christmas, for the third year running.As for my natural dad; he might be alive, but if he is he's well into his 70s by now and is married with at least three children in their early fifties, and might not appreciate me turning up out of the blue, resembling the one night stand he had back in 1976.
So, like Annie, my story had a happy ending too, although I wasn't lucky enough to have a big party with fireworks spelling out my name in the sky.
Just been for a mile run along seafront and nearly died. First time I've run since I had head cold and I am so out of practice- only 2 weeks until I've got to do 5 miles!!! Jesus. It's now an hour since I got back from run and I'm still bright purple.

Soundtrack: Elastica-Annie

Explosion over breakfast

Warning: do not violently sneeze whilst eating shredded wheat.

Chocolate Brownies and The Street

See title for two of my favourite things, and two things I enjoyed simultaneosly this evening. Thank god for the chocolate comfort as, as ever, The Street left me in tears. What an amazing series. Very Mike Leigh in fact, although with more of a sprinkle of optimism thrown in at the end. See recipe below for my fave brownie recipe by the way, and The Street can be found on BBC1 every Thursday night at 9pm.
We now have a Christmas tree!! And it's 9ft tall!! Not as mad as you may think as our ceilings (as they are a la Regency stylee) are about 12ft high. We went on a lovely trip yesterday to Wilderness Wood near Haywards Heath and it's one of the best places I've ever been to in East Sussex. Great for kids too and their trees are beautiful and bargainous so get yours from there if you live near me. See www.wildernesswood.co.uk for details...

Chocolate Brownies
100g butter
50g cocoa powder
2 eggs
225g caster sugar
1 tsp vanilla essence
50g self raising flour
50g small walnut pieces

Preheat oven to 180oC. Line small baking tin with baking sheet. Melt butter and add cocoa. Mix until no lumps. Beat eggs and add sugar. Mix until smooth. Stir in cocoa mix and vanilla essence. Add flour bit by bit, until combined. Mix in walnut pieces. Pur mixture into tin and bake for about 30mins.

Soundtrack: two Great Xmas singles from bands I know- both are great sparkly festive tunes-
Pocketbooks-Christmas In Your Sights
Priscillas-One Christmas Wish (listen to http://www.myspace.com/thepriscillas)

I am a drinker with a writing problem

As I mentioned earlier in my blogging, since being a stay-at-home mum (makes it sound easy but I've actually spent 5 years running around as though my arse was on fire) for half a decade, my brain has turned to mush(well- the academic side at any rate-some parts connected to irrational fears about paedophiles and anxiety about the correct fit of Clarks shoes have developed beyond their necessity). For example, as you will know if you are a regular reader, I was so enthralled by studying again that the first time I sat down to do my course, I fell into a very deep sleep. The course is now ticking by, and I'm completing my first proper assignment this week. I thought it would be a good idea to go to the library to escape the pressures of housewifery (as an aspiring novelist, the piles of ironing and washing up get bigger but it's the price you pay-and I'd rather have a messy flat and be creative, than live in an ultra tidy flat with nothing happening- if you ever come round to my flat and it's spotless tell me to get on with my writing as I'm obviously not doing enough). It all started off good- I sat down and was just enjoyably (I know- scary) absorbed in indents and en-dashes when red spots started to appear on the page. I was having a f+@"ing nose bleed! My brain was now, unable to nod off, going into overdrive and was so confused by the signals to learn about editing as opposed to the words to 'Little Donkey' it had decided to blow a vessel!
Oh the embarrassment. It's like it's trying to tell me something. I'm off to do the ironing. That will calm my mind. (my neurons: "Ah good- she is doing something mundane again- relax girls. Let's hope she doesn't try any of that wordy learning malarkey again or we might just explode from the shock")

Head Cold

Looking after my friends' kids today which is great in that Sadie is entertained but the place is so noisy! I have retreated to the office for some peace. It's just stopped raining outside- the first time for 24 hours and now I feel a bit cheerier. Dark skies and head colds bring with them much melancholy. Yesterday when it was pissing it down, we had to cancel our first outing to the Rottingdean Smuggler's Night- suddenly wandering around the streets looking at craft stalls in the dark, cold and damp was the last thing we felt like doing, so we got in the car and drove around the rough suburbs, hunting for the best Chrismassy house. It's early days but there are some corkers out there already. I love having a kid for many reasons, but being able to show them the glittering wonderland of council estates is one of my favourite things to do as a parent. Forget disneyland- when you have people who make that much effort making their homes into sparkling tack fests - you have a ready made dreamland on your doorstep, or up the road past the detention centre at any rate....
Children have found me in my cave. Can't think. Must go.

Soundtrack: Billy Holiday-What a difference a day makes