This is the text message I sent a friend yesterday. I have a new phone and it's been a while since I had one, but due to recent circumstances I made it a top priority to make myself accessible at all times. I just need to get used to texting again that's all.
Came home today to find half the stuff on the mantel piece had gone. Then I went to drop my laundry in the wash basket and it just fell on the floor. The wash basket had disappeared. I looked around the flat and realised that the office bin, the bathroom bin, a vase and a framed photograph of Sadie's cousins had also left blank spaces where they once stood.
I guess someone had started the process of moving out their "possessions". A bit unexpected to find such things vanishing and now I have laid down the ground rules about taking stuff so secretly that my draws end up on the floor and I've got nowhere to throw my used cotton buds. A girl needs some notice.....And some say in who gets custody of which bin. At least it looks as though I'm keeping the fishies...
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Single Sundays
A friend of mine who has been a single mum for a few years refers to Sundays as 'Single Sundays' and now I know why. Whereas before, and if you have read my 'Sunday Sunday' blog you will know this (see- I am testing you), Sundays were once my favourite day of the week as they were relaxing, almost idyllic (if I half squinted)family time. Now I am adjusting to Sundays being very quiet and a bit lonely. I have lots of understanding friends who have invited me for Sunday roast at theirs (I had 3 invites today but have turned them down in favour of some writing time- I knew that if I went along I would just end up drunk which gets me nowhere right now) but this will all get a bit of getting used to. Monday to Friday I'm fine as I am busy with my routine of school runs, work and childcare, but weekends are now a void of light weekend euphoria on Saturdays and bewilderment and fear by Sunday.
Yesterday was the first time that Andy took Sadie overnight. I was very very down so spent half my day wandering the North Laines with Rachael in search of a necklace for her friend (I hate shopping, especially if it's jewellery buying for someone I've never even met- but I wanted to hang onto my good friend like a limpet rather than be on my own) and the other half at Joy and Geoff's eating a delicious stir fry, drinking wine and having a right good moan (as well as discussing Geoff's verruca- is it in fact a corn? Will it get Bazukered?).
This will all take time to adjust to- and I am by no means going back on my decision. You know you have done the right thing when your therapist buys you a congratulatory bunch of flowers. You also know if every time you have a sentimental teary-eyed moment you drop something heavy on your toe, scold your hand or give yourself food poisoning. This spontaneous clumsiness keeps happening every time I get all rose tinted. Is someone trying to tell me something?
Sadie is back in 4 hours- no make that 3- argh I hate losing an hour- so I'm off to write The Book. I wonder how recent events will alter my writing style....
Oh but before I go I must tell you that my one saving grace for Sundays (aside from countless mates offering their support of course)- the new series of 'Pulling' on BBC3 at 9pm- has now been destroyed. Remember at new year (I'm testing you again) when the tv got drenched in smelly fish water after the shelf holding it collapsed? Well the shelf got put back up, and no fish tank went up there, but I thought it safe to put Sadie's tiny sea monkeys on there (revolting things- pet bacteria? eugh) but oh no- the whole thing collapsed again, meaning dead sea monkeys (good riddance I say) and a wet digibox. All the channels are fine EXCEPT for f£$*ing BBC3! Can you believe it- but thank god for BBC iplayer. I will watch it tomorrow...
Soundtrack: Robyn & Kleerup - With Every Heartbeat
Yesterday was the first time that Andy took Sadie overnight. I was very very down so spent half my day wandering the North Laines with Rachael in search of a necklace for her friend (I hate shopping, especially if it's jewellery buying for someone I've never even met- but I wanted to hang onto my good friend like a limpet rather than be on my own) and the other half at Joy and Geoff's eating a delicious stir fry, drinking wine and having a right good moan (as well as discussing Geoff's verruca- is it in fact a corn? Will it get Bazukered?).
This will all take time to adjust to- and I am by no means going back on my decision. You know you have done the right thing when your therapist buys you a congratulatory bunch of flowers. You also know if every time you have a sentimental teary-eyed moment you drop something heavy on your toe, scold your hand or give yourself food poisoning. This spontaneous clumsiness keeps happening every time I get all rose tinted. Is someone trying to tell me something?
Sadie is back in 4 hours- no make that 3- argh I hate losing an hour- so I'm off to write The Book. I wonder how recent events will alter my writing style....
Oh but before I go I must tell you that my one saving grace for Sundays (aside from countless mates offering their support of course)- the new series of 'Pulling' on BBC3 at 9pm- has now been destroyed. Remember at new year (I'm testing you again) when the tv got drenched in smelly fish water after the shelf holding it collapsed? Well the shelf got put back up, and no fish tank went up there, but I thought it safe to put Sadie's tiny sea monkeys on there (revolting things- pet bacteria? eugh) but oh no- the whole thing collapsed again, meaning dead sea monkeys (good riddance I say) and a wet digibox. All the channels are fine EXCEPT for f£$*ing BBC3! Can you believe it- but thank god for BBC iplayer. I will watch it tomorrow...
Soundtrack: Robyn & Kleerup - With Every Heartbeat
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Hairy desks and doppelgangers
Work really dragged today. My lovely boss Tim is away spending time with his "babies" (his cats) so there's not much to do. Everyone there is too nice to give me any work to do but I'd rather be busy. I have had to resort to finding mild amusement in the dullest of things. One entertaining thing that has started to happen is that people keep mistaking me for someone else- to the point that they get quite cross with me when I give them blank looks. Right opposite me sits a friendly pharmacist called Sarah.. Thing is we look very similar- same build, shoulder length red hair, blue eyes, similar dress sense, etc, in fact if I look away slightly I could well be facing a mirror, so a few people have got us muddled up. When she's off doing her ward round I get the odd consultant or nurse running in and talking pharmaceutical gibberish to me. And then when I explain I'm not Sarah, but Cathy, a Services PA, they get all flustered and confused, as they think they are going mad as they are sure they just saw me dishing out medication not taking minutes. Ho ho.
Two really gross things happened to me today as well, to break up the day somewhat disgustingly. Whilst eating my hummus sandwich at my desk, I went to sweep the crumbs into my hand and swept a jet black pubic hair off the table (and let's not forget I am a real ginge so this was nothing to do with me). How the hell did that get there? Who has been shagging on my desk? (because this is the obvious reason... especially when you're bored at work). I didn't eat the rest of my sandwich. Then I found these really hilarious pink visors next to my desk and put them on, stood up and said "hey everyone- look at these funny glasses! Who left these here?". One of the nurses solemnly explained that these are protective shades to prevent the splatters from when they are inserting dialysis tubes into people. I wondered what the smears were. That certainly wiped the smile from my face.
I can only hope I have more to do tomorrow or might be tempted to impersonate Sarah and go on a ward round in said eye wear, questioning everyone as to whether they have been rubbing their genitalia on my work space........
Two really gross things happened to me today as well, to break up the day somewhat disgustingly. Whilst eating my hummus sandwich at my desk, I went to sweep the crumbs into my hand and swept a jet black pubic hair off the table (and let's not forget I am a real ginge so this was nothing to do with me). How the hell did that get there? Who has been shagging on my desk? (because this is the obvious reason... especially when you're bored at work). I didn't eat the rest of my sandwich. Then I found these really hilarious pink visors next to my desk and put them on, stood up and said "hey everyone- look at these funny glasses! Who left these here?". One of the nurses solemnly explained that these are protective shades to prevent the splatters from when they are inserting dialysis tubes into people. I wondered what the smears were. That certainly wiped the smile from my face.
I can only hope I have more to do tomorrow or might be tempted to impersonate Sarah and go on a ward round in said eye wear, questioning everyone as to whether they have been rubbing their genitalia on my work space........
Monday, March 24, 2008
My life played out on a comedy show
A friend of mine has kindly set up a freeview box in my flat- I've never had one and have been living off four measly channels forever. Now I am enjoying quiet (and that's quiet not lonely) nights in this is great as I now have BBC3 and BBC4 to indulge in (plus Sadie has Cbeebies so I have a babysitter to hand). Rather fantastically the new series of Pulling started last night- it is brilliant, but at one point was rather like watching a play back of my life as one of the more vivacious female characters (Ok -she's an alcoholic slapper) woke up next to a semi-naked and rather hungover Paul Kay. I once woke up with Paul Kay (and that's Paul NOT Peter) bollock naked (did I mention I slept with Paul Kay? Yes?) and very hungover so this was quite surreal watching his portrayal of a drunken caner trying to get into someone's pants. No need to act much there then Mr Pennis...Oh how I grimmaced and laughed out loud! And oh how i will forever smile and giggle at my very fun debauched encounter with this man all those years ago.
Off for a run with Miss Glazier to break up my day of sorting the flat. I'm splitting all our stuff up and it's sad but therapeutic nevertheless. Sadie has gone to Alfriston to hunt for easter bunnies with her dad. This is a family tradition at Easter but I shall not cry over missing it this year.
Watch last night's Pulling here:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/page/item/b009mbfh.shtml?src=ip_potpw
P.S. I WILL get proper links on my blog one day- it just doesn't let me do it yet.....I'm afraid it's copy and paste for now..
Soundtrack: SMiths-Boy With the thorn in his side
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Chocolate Reiterations
I don't know whether it's just me becoming more intolerant in my old age, or whether I am just getting worse at judging on gut instincts, but I seem to have had a barrage of rude people in my life over the last couple of years. Yesterday I had the misfortune of meeting up with one of Andy's friends, thinking this would be a nice way to spend the day, and heal over a few burnt bridges. But oh no. What a mistake that was. All this person managed to do was obliterate those bridges into smithereens, only confirming further that I am better off out of it.
Devil's Dyke was braved yesterday with a group of friends and their dogs- Sadie and I nearly blew away and we basically slid down the hill a mile to the Fulking pub (and that was F-U-L-K-I-N-G) for some grub. I treated myself to a pint of Harveys and some mussels. Well a girl's got to wine and dine herself sometimes...
After making spag bol and chocolate cornflake cakes round at Rachael's, which was hightly therapeutic, I went out for a few drinks last night with the lovely Fiona- very nice lady (I do have many great friends too which makes up for the freaks) but the booze wasn't quite hitting the spot so I came home before my night descended into tearful hysteria (it is going to happen at some point, but I'd rather it not in a packed pub with 'Living On A Prayer' blasting out). I have to expect this. I am off to lunch at a friends' today for a drunken afternoon, in hope I will get some elation rather than the other, but i must be wary of alcohol at present.
Sadie has just excitedly rummaged around the flat for her Easter eggs and has eaten most of them, so I expect to see some of them resurfacing shortly. This day could go one way or the other...
Happy Easter everyone!
Soundtrack: Girls Aloud-No Good Advice
Devil's Dyke was braved yesterday with a group of friends and their dogs- Sadie and I nearly blew away and we basically slid down the hill a mile to the Fulking pub (and that was F-U-L-K-I-N-G) for some grub. I treated myself to a pint of Harveys and some mussels. Well a girl's got to wine and dine herself sometimes...
After making spag bol and chocolate cornflake cakes round at Rachael's, which was hightly therapeutic, I went out for a few drinks last night with the lovely Fiona- very nice lady (I do have many great friends too which makes up for the freaks) but the booze wasn't quite hitting the spot so I came home before my night descended into tearful hysteria (it is going to happen at some point, but I'd rather it not in a packed pub with 'Living On A Prayer' blasting out). I have to expect this. I am off to lunch at a friends' today for a drunken afternoon, in hope I will get some elation rather than the other, but i must be wary of alcohol at present.
Sadie has just excitedly rummaged around the flat for her Easter eggs and has eaten most of them, so I expect to see some of them resurfacing shortly. This day could go one way or the other...
Happy Easter everyone!
Soundtrack: Girls Aloud-No Good Advice
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Roses and Rain
My lovely, and talented, illustrator friend Joy Gosney, who has been been a very good mate to me over the years and been a tower of strength over these difficult few weeks, has very kindly used Sadie and myself as inspiration for her latest work for the council, who were looking for pictures of people walking for their transport website. I was very touched, and glad she used us, as Sadie and I walk everywhere. I still don't drive, but guess I will have to learn at some point. But what a lovely pic and what a lovely ladee. It cheered me up.
As did Nat who I saw the other day for a quick drink and a moan. SHe inspired me to buy myself some roses. No-one has ever bought me any so I got some for me. They are now wilting but it was good while they lasted. Only problem was I bumped into Andy when I was carrying them so now he thinks I've already bagged myself someone else. I do not move this quickly, but neither did I feel the need to explain myself. I don't have to anymore do I??
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Better out than in
I've just realised what a freaky picture I had on yesterday's blog. oh well. I'll keep it there redardless to disturb you all.
This looking after myself thing is not going too well so far. Last night I dropped a heavy china bowl on my big toe and nearly passed out from the pain. I had to down some ibuprofen(having dizzily hobbled to the bathroom cabinet), and lie on the sofa moaning/biting the cushion in agony. I tell you- it was almost as painful as childbirth, and I really know what that feels like having had a natural 30 hour labour! Now I have a black toe and a limp, but nothing nice to show for it.
Later on, I thought I'd force myself to eat something wholesome, and heated up a chicken casserole (you can guess where this is going...) to have with some green veg. It was to be the first healthy thing I'd eaten since the break up (having consumed either nothing or comfort foods since Friday), and had, ironically, been made by Andy last week. Four hours after dinner, I woke up with horrific stomach cramps and consequently spent the early hours with my head down the loo.
So pleasant. And now the third time I've been sick in a week (didn't mention first one- but I puked after reading poems at the school- 24 hour bug or something). My body must be purging itself at the moment or something...
Feeling alright now though. Off to rearrange the flat for further purging....
This looking after myself thing is not going too well so far. Last night I dropped a heavy china bowl on my big toe and nearly passed out from the pain. I had to down some ibuprofen(having dizzily hobbled to the bathroom cabinet), and lie on the sofa moaning/biting the cushion in agony. I tell you- it was almost as painful as childbirth, and I really know what that feels like having had a natural 30 hour labour! Now I have a black toe and a limp, but nothing nice to show for it.
Later on, I thought I'd force myself to eat something wholesome, and heated up a chicken casserole (you can guess where this is going...) to have with some green veg. It was to be the first healthy thing I'd eaten since the break up (having consumed either nothing or comfort foods since Friday), and had, ironically, been made by Andy last week. Four hours after dinner, I woke up with horrific stomach cramps and consequently spent the early hours with my head down the loo.
So pleasant. And now the third time I've been sick in a week (didn't mention first one- but I puked after reading poems at the school- 24 hour bug or something). My body must be purging itself at the moment or something...
Feeling alright now though. Off to rearrange the flat for further purging....
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